It's times like this

I have never felt that empty during times like this since I got to know Jesus 12 years ago.
Yes, i was struggling when I was younger and there was such a drawing need to depend on another person- just someone, anyone- to make my life better.
How immature the thought!
I was meditating on that song (I know I sound weird as most meditate on the word, not song!)- This joy/love/peace/hope that I have...the world didn't give it and the world can't take it away, and, I pondered.
Before christ, at least I have all reasons for losing all these but now with God, it's no longer "I".
I wonder if it only happens to me.
That though a christian for long, yet there's a feeling I need to come back to Him.
That I actually don't have that much of Him and I am desperate to be filled again.
Nope, I'm not those that will answer every altar call and repeat the sinner's prayer at every opportunity; I have not backslidden for sure.
Nonetheless, I do let my joy/love/peace/hope slip away at times.
And it's precisely such moments- of weakness and vulnerability, I realise I can't do it on my own.
No matter how seasoned I am or how equipped and trained, I, just can't do it alone.
No I can't.