yen4more: August 2006

I do miss you

I miss her.
The giggly moments we spent together;
The times we confide to each other.
The warm birthday celebrations;
The huggings and cuddlings during winter seasons.
Not to forget, the phone calls and SMSes for no special reason.
I miss him.
As the bus passed by East Coast;
As 76 drove passed me.
As the radio played the songs;
As Singapore Idol2 aired on mobile TV.
In addition, as birthday draws closer and it's time to make that silly wish again.

TRUE Repentance

It isn't about shedding a few more tears.

It isn't about lifting up hands higher or longer during worship.

It's not even about getting more involved in ministry or outreaches.

Why have people forgotten?

Repentance is just about turning away from sins and turning to God.

It isn't about holding on to the sins and shedding a few more tears at the same time.

It isn't about holding on to the sins and lifting up hands higher or longer during worship at the same time.

It isn't about holding on to the sins and getting more involved in ministry or outreaches at the same time.

Get it???

Oh...I've just received these!!!

CHANGED

I've changed.

I'm pretty surprised by the how-much.

The following are rather trival but very indicative.

If you know me, you know what I mean :)

(1) From 3 rings everywhere I go to nothing on this lady's fingers.
(2) From flats to as high as 2 and half inch heels.
(3) From naked lips to a pair coated with cherry gloss.
(4) From covered toes to sandals-like shoes.
(5) From unsightly littles toes to bloody-red polished ones.
(6) From a book .5 month to a book 2 or maybe 3 months.
(7) From 5-string guitar closet worship leader to not even a singer.
(8) From New York! New York! to local delights!!
(9) From daily blogging habit to "better blog something" mentality.

Hmm, there should be much more.
*scratch head*

CHANGE

I can't wait; bring it on!
To me, it's going to be a setting free.

(1) I'm giving away those who can further maximise their potential.
(2) I'm keeping those who are still exploring their potential.
(3) I'm leaving those who refuse to use their potential.

From now onwards, there are only 2 categories of members in N154.
& that will determine my attitude towards you.
(A) Visible - (1) & (2)
(B) Invisible- (3)

I already have the names in mind.
I love you if you are (1). I know you will continue to excel and stretch as you do much more for God.
I love you if you are (2). I believe you will find your gifts and your calling as you keep searching and seeking.
I love you if you are (3). I have done more than what is required. Now, it's you.

Cry "Wolf!"

"Don't waste your time praying for me."
"Don't call me or sms me again."
"I'm leaving church and leaving God. Don't bother about me anymore."

I have heard these from the same person, all within 3 months. And each time, she would end up in church service the immediate sunday and acted as if nothing had happened- prayed strong and sang loud during worship; laughed and joked during fellowship.

But I didn't want to take any chances.
I would get members to counsel her.
I would ring her countless times before she finally answered the call.
I would pray for her.
I would sms lots of encouraging words.

I guess she doesn't know:
I feared whenever I received such a sms from her.
Fear of losing another member.
Fear of disappointment by people whom I have sowed my time and effort.
Fear of going back to square one.
Fear of falling in the ministry.

The immatures have no cares about consequences.
They won't be babes if they do.

Today, I received another sms.
And I agreed with her.
Go ahead.
I will still pray but not for her attendance on sunday.
For the fear of God.
For the knowing of who God is.
For the conviction that God doesn't need her but she needs God.
For the shift in paradigm.
For the humility in the spirit.

I hate the word

"Maintenance", that is.
Both realms.
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I can't believe network is down again because of some maintenance the IT peeps are carrying out. Lotus is inaccessible and so is F -drive. I can't wait to get into my inbox and retrieve the artwork Lisa has just mailed over. I hope the magnet will look cute. Afterall, I play a tiny part in the design.
Finally, some satisfaction.
Forgive me Joe. I will definitely tax 1 when they are out from the oven. Muahaha... ...
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Anyhow, maintainence drives me crazy.
Natural & spiritual.

Big Head GaL

I really looked funny.

This is what happens when I'm tired.

BEWARE!!!

未完成

我为你打开了我内心的窗
只希望遇见对的人
不愿意说再见还是朋友这种老话
我只要你永远在身旁
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A song that was birthed after a decision was made.
A song to be sang to the one who has won her heart.
A song that remains incomplete because she isn't ready yet.
And he, hasn't appeared yet.

I'm a little scared Papa

From the day I decided to give up on that vision, I know I can give up on almost everything else. Now, it's coming to pass. It's scary to realise that.
What I was once stubborn about, had vanished; that which I used to stand firm on, I had compromised; what I could not let go, seems to have slipped out from my grip; what I did day and night, was no longer in sight. And all happened, in such a short period of time.
Life is now like a tower that has collapsed overnight and I'm clueless about how to re-build it so that history won't repeat itself. Perhaps, that is why it didn't last. God should be the architect in the first place. Why did I take over?
Other than my salvation, there are or rather were, 2 things that I can't/ couldn't shake off. Now, they don't cling onto me the way they used to. Everyday, I'm looking for alternatives and possibilities.
I know I ain't happy. But I know I gotta get going. I'm not going to invite depression to come in the way it intruded 9 years ago. My bed was my best friend then and sleep was my favorite hobby. I believed in "ostrich's theory" - if I don't see it or think about it, the problem will go away. It took me slightly longer to understand that ostrichs are actually cowards who refuse reality. Before that, I buried myself under the blanket for months. I was a modern ostrich with the luxury of a comfy mattress and lotsa huggy toys.
I wanna be enveloped in God's presence instead. I choose to.

I'm a strawberry Cake

If christians are cakes and God is the Baker, this must be the recipe:

A little bit of faith
A little bit of imagination
A little bit of waiting to make awesome
A little bit of boldness

A little bit of hope
A little bit of joy
A little bit of fire to make better
A little bit of drunkenness

A little bit of love
A little bit of kindness
A little bit of storm to make stronger
A little bit of forgivingness

Faith, hope and love-
My God has big fingers :)

P/S: Add on to my list!!!

独占神话-蔡依林

It was love @ first sight.
Not becos I agree with its content.
I just find that our writings are pretty similar.
Hmm.

http://mtv123.com/html/play/8/play_74831.html
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新鲜的话题不少越古老越想知道
神秘又有点时髦网路上找了又找
像一张神奇车票时空里任意跳跃
前世慢慢被揭晓我彷佛真的看到
是否手背的痣是上辈子留下的记号
那个爱过的人能在今生把我找到
轮回太奇妙有些故事不会老
欢迎光临我的独占神话
千年之前我是那个她
当时和爱的男人最後快乐吗
这是属於我的独占神话
何必在乎它的真或假
心里的时光机器请出发
让画面倒转吧
千年以前的烦脑
明明都已经忘了我却拼命想知道
我每一次的纷扰角色扮演般对照
没有期限的微兆还有好多的问号
自已和自已聊聊

Ugly Thoughts

I had been having some ugly thoughts.
Big problem.
Nevermind. Big Saviour too :)

(1) I will never sing again even if a microphone is thrown into my face.
(2) I will never want to be a full-time staff.
(3) I don't want to be ordered around. Just who are you?
(4) Don't push too far or I will bite.
(5) Someone will make a difference in China but just not me.
(6) It's time to live for myself.
(7) If you want to backslide, feel free to do so. Wait, were you around?

In the end, here's what I did:

(1) I sang and sang; worshipped and worshipped. I think I went off-key during QT.
(2) God, when will you open opportunities for me to work with pastor Tan?
(3) Okay okay, I will do just that.
(4) Maybe that's how people stretched-by being pushed around. Good thingy after all :p
(5) Must start saving up $$$ to see the vision come to pass!
(6) Is there anyway I can help you?
(7) Do you want to come back this week?

WOMEN! *faint*

???

I can't believe I'm blogging @ this hour.
Urr, I'm not lobo-ing.
Try to believe me :p
Anyhow, there's so much to tell but I'll leave it behind the closet.
One thing I will say: I've learnt so much about myself these 2 days.
Really.
Quite awful.
Still, it's better to know the truth.
For the truth sets you free.
And by the way, this is no cliche.